I Have No Voice

My hands sat at the keyboard for minutes before I would let them exercise. How long have I been contemplating what may be my God-given gift? How many times have I gotten excited, only to believe my voice is small and unimportant?  Too many. I have often searched my heart for Gods calling on my life. I would think, “He has no assignment for me. I am but a life existing in this world”. Oh, how wrong and foolish I was. Maybe you feel the same way I did. Maybe you feel you have no talents, no gifts, and no voice. My friend, with all due respect, you are so wrong. You and I were made for greatness (see Jeremiah 29:11). The very breath of God fills our lungs, therefore, we have life, and we have purpose.

My journey as a writer began somewhere between the ages of 11-13. I grew up in a relatively creative home. My father played the guitar every night when he’d come home from work. Jazz melodies filled our living spaces, while my siblings and I danced around like giddy monkeys. Music was everywhere. I would often take a journal, go to my room, and write. I’d write songs, poems, anything and everything to dump what mess was in my mind (beautiful or not) and I’d finish with the feeling of joy.

I wrote almost every day until my senior year in high school. At that time, my friends became my world, and the ones I could share my feelings with. So, without truly noticing it, I left my friend of paper and pen, and went on with my life. Flash forward to my last year in college, where I studied Psychology, I met my (now) Husband. We dated for 13 months before he popped the question, and we were married 5 months later. After 3 years of marriage, I became pregnant with our son. Alas, my pregnancy made me itch for the pen and paper once again. I began to do research on blogging, reading as many books as my hands could hold, and listening to as many ideas that the Lord would infuse in me. I wanted to write-but I couldn’t. I was scared. I hadn’t written in over 10 years. Was it going to feel natural? Would I just sit and stare at the blank page in front of me? I ignored my desire to fulfill Gods calling on my life.

For the next few months, even well into my sons first year of life, I kept going back to the call. I’d say, “OK I’m going to write. I’m going to encourage others with my voice. I’m going to let myself be creative again. I can do this”. Yet, my fear of not being a perfect writer stumped me. If I was going to speak, I wanted to make sure I did it right. In addition to my perfectionistic thinking, some dear friends of mine started a blog, and let me just tell you-they were amazing writers. Their gifts were obvious. Their words were touching. I knew I couldn’t compete. Why would I write, when my friends were already walking down that road? Surely the Lord wouldn’t give me the same calling? I gave up again. I became a quitter and believed that once again, I had no voice.

Thank God (literally) that Jesus doesn’t think the way I do. He planted this desire within me many, many years ago. He gave me hands to write, a brain to think, and indeed, a voice to speak. I am gifted. I should write. My thoughts and my experiences do matter, just as yours do. You might be wondering how I came to this such awakening. Well, it happened at a mom’s prayer group meeting. A fellow mom, whom is incredibly gifted with wisdom, spoke the words, “Writer” and “Author” over me. When she said that, my heart stung with a thousand needles. She affirmed in me that yes, I am called to write. I knew then that I needed to take my writing seriously. I could no longer feel small, or inadequate. I went home feeling incredible. I would look ahead, and not in the past, to what the Lord has for me.

Friends, I hope that you will come back every week to rest with me. I pray that you will find joy and inspiration when you visit my page. More importantly, I pray that you would live out your God-given gift that is already within you, and may you share it with others for the glory of His Kingdom.

Blessings,

Alyssa

 

 

2 thoughts on “I Have No Voice

  1. Wow! I havnt officially met you but im your husbands cousin. This has encouraged me! I too have been told to write but have been afriad becaue of the same reasons. Comparison is such a big trap and i just feel the words dont come to me as easily as they used to. Its been years for me as well. It seems i start to write and keep getting pulled by distractions. Do you struggle with distraction as you write. Same thing with books. I love to read but always end up half way and never finish. do you have any advise. Especially as mom and wife, how did you find the time to to read and write? Im a single woman who hardly finds time to spend with friends

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    1. Hi Kristal! Thank you so much for commenting, I seriously love hearing from people who visit my page! I’m so glad I encouraged you-that’s why i do what i do 🙂
      Some days I know i’m not in a creative mood and so on those days, i don’t pressure myself to write. If i do that, it ends up a mess and not what I would want to share. So never feel like you HAVE to write. It will come to you when something truly inspires you. I defeintily struggle with distractions, and thats why I only write during my sons nap time. I dont have my phone next to me, or the TV on. I only write. Finding the time to read and write is always tricky as an adult, isn’t it? haha. I read at night after my son is in bed, and like I said, I write when he’s napping. I’m not one to wake up early, so all my reading/writing is done while he’s asleep.
      I hope that helps and don’t be afraid to step out there! One piece of advice is that I don’t write the same day I post. I write it out on Microsoft Word and then I edit for a few days, and then post. That way,you’re 100% confident in what you’re posting 🙂

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